The Bar Incident
by Abra Cadaverous
Summary: In which Zoro loses something very precious. /Title may change, rated for minor language and alcohol./


**Set post-Alabasta. **

Zoro sat alone at the bar, one hand clasped around a tankard of beer, and the other resting lightly on the hilt of his swords. Smoky air clogged with the scent of tobacco, cigars, alcohol, and sweaty unwashed bodies pervaded his senses and inhibited his eyesight. Various shady characters were seated along the bar along with him, and others sat in the anonymity that the deep booths behind him provided, while the more bold amongst them sat in little circular clusters around dirty tables. It wasn't the most friendly nor safe atmosphere, it was the kind of place where those who knew the walk and talk could sit in solitary peace, and those who didn't were swindled or robbed outright. Zoro knew the customs of a place like this, and was left alone, an empty seat on either side of him. You don't bother me, I won't bother you. That sort of thing. This sort of karma most definitely did not exist on the Going Merry, where, even if they were 'trying' to leave you alone, you could still end up getting stepped on, kicked, or doused with a bucket of fishy-smelling water. Or awakened by a bad-tempered navigator simply because she thought you were snoring too loud. As if he had any control over the volume of his snoring. Zoro snorted under his breath. Witch-woman. She'd raised his debt again by a whole fifty-thousand berri this morning, just because he'd 'accidentally' spilled sake on her 'favorite' top. Oops.

"Hey, buddy." A grime-encrusted hand touched his shoulder, and jerked Zoro to alertness. The swordsman scowled ferociously. "What do you want?" he demanded of the slimy-looking man who had the gall to sit down next to him.

"It's not what I want." The dirty fellow assured him. "It's what you want that matters to me."

"Sure it does." Zoro took another drink of beer.

"You want money, right? Easy, legal money?" The man said with smile that exposed brown-stained dentition.

Zoro snorted loudly and derisively. "And you'd know how I could get some. Right."

"Oh, but I do. It's easy. Y'see, there's a little poker game going on over there -" The man hiked a thumb over his shoulder. "And we just need a few more players. All you need is fifty berri or something worth about that. You _could_ lose a measly fifty berri, or walk away a rich man. Either way, you haven't got much to lose."

Zoro considered the man's offer until his tankard of beer had been drained. "Fine." He said shortly, digging his remaining money out of his pocket. "Here's... sixty-seven berri." The swordsman stood up and headed over to the table, hand still resting on Wado-Ichimonji's hilt.

"Excellent!" The dirty man crowed. "Bartender! Another tankard of beer for my green-haired friend!"

_;:space:;_

Nami strolled down the street sporting freshly cut hair, and several shopping bags full of new clothes, map-making stuff, and a random assortment of hair clips, and pens, as well as salt and tabasco sauce for Usopp, who had pulled the short straw and was stuck babysitting Luffy. Nami figured it was the least she could do, since she'd cheated to get a long straw and avoid having to watch the childish captain for the rest of the day. She loved pirate-friendly towns. Sure, being a part of the Straw-hat crew was fun, but it had made shopping choices a bit limited. But of course, there were a few intelligent people out there who had seen the wisdom in being friendly to the large, oft-times treasure-laden crews who sailed through the Grand Line, as such, these towns often boasted a thriving economy, and if the exchange was that the morals of the town were a bit lower than most, well, money was an excellent motivator, and no one knew that fact better than the Straw-hat's genius of a navigator.

Nami appraised the clothes shops along the street with absolutely no intentions of buying anything, despite what the vendors promised was the 'finest-quality clothing' that she would find anywhere on the Grand Line. And then, much to her annoyance, she spotted at the far end of the street the one member of the crew she hadn't been expecting to see until that evening, when they were all supposed to head back to the ship, and she invariably would have to go and find him because he had once again managed to get lost.

And it appeared he was trying to break into a bar. She watched, baffled, for a moment as he ran at the door again, ramming it with his shoulder and causing the sturdy oak to shake on its hinges. But... there was something wrong. Nami frowned. Zoro, of all people, should not have had trouble breaking down a stupid door. And he was wobbling a bit. Was he drunk? No, Zoro didn't get drunk. His alcohol tolerance could rival hers, for goodness sake. She moved closer, got a better look at him, and realized with a bit of shock that he'd been drugged. She'd been around the block enough times to realize that without taking too close a look. And, she realized, his swords were missing. She couldn't of anything else that would upset the normally stoic swordsman so badly.

"Ah... Zoro?" She tried. He either didn't hear her, or was ignoring her, and he charged the door again, the loud _Bang!_ Of impact causing Nami to wince. "Zoro!" She barked, dropping her bags to the dusty street. There was nothing breakable in there, after all. The swordsman's head jerked up, his eyes flying to her face.

"Nami?"

Nami felt her heart involuntarily clench a little. Were those tear-tracks on his dusty face?

"Zoro?" She said, more gently this time, moving forward and placing her hand on his shoulder. "What happened? Where are your swords?"

At the mention of his beloved weapons, his eyes sharpened and brows lowered. "Those bassurds! They too' my swords!" His fist slammed into the door with a crack that made the navigator jump and want to back away from the irate man. She didn't though; for the moment, curiosity was stronger than fear. "How did they get your swords?"

He stared at her for a moment, and then dropped away from under her hand, landing in the dirt with a thump, back pressed up against the firmly locked door. He rested his head against his knees, his reply slightly muffled. "They challenged me to a poker game... and I bet my swords."

"That was stupid." The words spilled, unbidden from her lips, and his stare was gone from dirt and burning a hole through her in an instant. He stared at her like that for a moment that stretched into eternity, before finally mumbling something she missed the first time around.

"...what was that?"

"...They had Luffy's hat."

Nami stared at him blankly for a moment. "They had his hat?" She repeated, not quite sure whether to believe him or not.

"Yeah. They said if I bet one of my swords, they'd put the hat on th' table and I did, cause I thought I could win... An' I lost. So they did it again... and again. An' I couldn't win. They got my swords n' Luffy's hat. Cause I could'n win." Zoro's hands clenched and unclenched convulsively, his face contorting with fury.

Nami, however, looked thoughtful. "Poker, you said?"

Zoro stared at her for a moment. "Yeah... What're you gonna do?"

Nami grabbed the swordsman's arm, and gave it an encouraging tug. "Come on. I'll get your swords back, and Luffy's hat too, if they really have it, but they won't open the door with you still out here." Zoro pushed himself slowly to his feet, and followed as she grabbed her bags and led him back to the ship.

_;:space:;_

The ship was empty when Nami arrived with the swordsman, sans swords in tow. Cursing irresponsible shipmates in the back of her mind, she guided Zoro to the sickbay, and had him lay down on the small cot Chopper kept in there for such purposes. He protested weakly, while fighting a losing battle with his eyelids. Nami paid his rambling explanations no mind as she searched Chopper's medicine cabinets, and he finally passed out.

"Where'd he put that stuff... had it in Alabasta... yuck, don't want to know what that is... Aha. Here we go." She retracted her head, neck and shoulders from one of the many cabinets that lined Chopper's little room, clutching a syringe in one hand, and a bottle labeled 'Luffy Tranquilizer' in the other. She seated herself on the cot next to Zoro's unconscious body, read the dosage instructions carefully, filled the syringe, and inserted the needle into Zoro's arm. He didn't even twitch in his sleep.

She felt bad about giving him drugs on top of drugs, but she also couldn't have him waking up early from his induced nap and going on a rampage in the nice town. Anything that would knock out their hyper captain would most certainly work on the borderline-narcoleptic swordsman. Nami then proceeded to scrounge around for a pen and paper, wrote a note in case someone returned to the ship before she did, tacked it to the outside of the door, and left.

_;:space:;_

When Nami reached the bar, she noticed that it was open for business as though a certain green-haired young man had never been there, attempting to break down its door. She entered, seated herself at the bar, and ordered a Fuzzy Navel, which, upon arrival, did nothing more than sit in front of her and look pretty as she stared pensively into its orange depths. Or so it appeared, anyways.

"Hey there, Missy. What's a sweet girl like you doing in a place like this?"

Nami raised her head from where it had been resting on arms crossed over the well-worn counter, and was greeted with a brown-stained smile. She smiled back. "Nothing, just trying to get away from the rest of my crew for a bit. They're real morons, you know?" She replied, voice a cross between a coo and a purr, the very picture of an already-inebriated, and rather ditzy young woman. Easy prey, obviously.

"Oh, of course miss." The man sat down next to her and signaled the bartender for another drink, despite the fact that her own fruity mix was still quite full. "You know, me and my friends -" He indicated another table. "are playing poker, and we'd really like it if you'd come and sit with us, maybe play a couple rounds."

She gasped in mock-pleasure. "I'd love to!" Then slightly more reserved, blushing faintly. "I mean, if you're sure you want me..."

He offered her a dirty hand. "Miss Nami, it would be our pleasure."

_I didn't give him my name._ Nami noted with a faint pang of satisfaction. She took the proffered appendage, and squirmed inwardly when she realized it was coated with some sort of sticky and most likely unhygienic substance. Still, she didn't recoil like she wanted to, and let the nasty man lead her to the table, around which were seated other similar-looking individuals, discreetly wiping her fingers on a napkin once she was seated.

A man across the table smiled, though perhaps leered would be a more appropriate description. "How much money, missy?"

Nami smiled brightly at him, and, much to the present company's interest, removed a small brown wallet from her cleavage. Pouting slightly, she opened it, thumbed through it for a moment as though deeply pondering something, finally pulling out five one-hundred berri notes, and placed them in the center of the table with the rest of the pot. "Is that enough?" She chirped.

"Plenty, missy." the secondary man sneered. "That'll do just fine. Bartender! Another drink for the lovely lady!"

Nami grinned in her best catty way. _And here we go, morons._

_;:space:; _

Five rounds of poker and seven glasses of whiskey later saw Nami's wallet being emptied into the pot in the middle of the table. The drugged alcohol had, miraculously and discreetly, found its way into the glasses of the men seated on either side of her, and while Nami appeared to be as drugged as Zoro had earlier, her mind was clear and unclouded, whereas the men she was seated between had started up a most scintillating conversation on, of all things, whose feet were smellier. How interesting. Nami pouted at the small coins that fell with a faint _chink_ onto the sizable pot.

"I guess I don't have enough to stay in the game." She sad, feigning deep sadness.

The leering man across from her nodded slightly to his two still-sober companions, before leaning forward to give her a full view of his most winning smile. "Well now, missy, aren't you the navigator for Straw-hat Luffy's crew?"

Nami placed a narrow finger on her lips as though cautioning them to secrecy. "Yep!" She 'whispered.' "But you can't tell _anybody_, kay?"

"Oh we won't." He assured her. "Now, missy, we heard that you had a fancy little lightening weapon you used. Maybe you wouldn't mind showing us that?"

"Oh, of course not!" She giggled, waving a hand at him dismissively. She hiked her skirt up quite a bit more than necessary, and pulled the Clima-Tact from it holster and smiled blearily at it, before raising misty eyes to the man's face. "See?"

She noted that those still sober leaned forward, not just to peek at her leg, but to get a good look at the Clima-Tact as well.

"Well, missy, if you want to put that there cute lil' toy in the pot, we'd be glad to let you stay in the game."

Her mouth formed a shocked little 'O.' "I couldn't!!" She said, her voice rising several octaves, to that squeaky-cutesy voice that, when voiced by another, drove the navigator up the wall.

"Hmmm. How 'bout _we_ sweeten the pot a little, eh missy?" The man offered, reaching beneath his chair to produce Zoro's swords, and a hat that did, indeed, closely resemble Luffy's treasure.

"Ooooh." She leaned forward to get a better look, giving them a good peak at her cleavage in the process. "That looks like the Captain's hat! And that meanie-Zoro's big swords!"

"That is indeed what these are, my dear." The first grubby man assured her. "We won them off your friends in a poker game earlier today."

_Like hell you did._ Nami kept her fake smile on. "Oooh, and you'd give a me a chance to win them back?" She cooed.

"Sure thing missy. We'll put them in the pot if you put your little toy in the pot."

_Ah, so you swindle pirates out of their most prized possessions, and unless someone finds out about the drugs, it's all perfectly legal too. After all, if a couple of pirates get drunk and stupid, who's gonna care? Nice scam, my friends. Very nice, but you picked the wrong crew to mess with. _

"Well..." She pouted as cutely as possible, then brightened. "If I won their stuff back, they'd owe me a lot! So okay!" The Clima-Tact landed on the pot with a clank, and those of the present company who hadn't fallen into a drug-induced slumber were swiftly dealt in.

Nami grinned inwardly. These idiots. She had them feeling nice and secure about winning now, so much so that they hadn't bothered to cheat for the past two rounds, counting on her 'drunkenly foolish' decisions to win them the game. But for the expert thief-cum-extortionist, cheating at cards was practically second nature. Still, she played along, frowning sadly at her 'poor' hand and pretending she couldn't see the dirty men practically patting themselves on the back, already counting the whole thing a victory.

She waited patiently till each man had set down his cards. And then suddenly her expression changed, much to the shock of her new 'friends.' She grinned broadly, no longer appearing drugged, and laid her cards face up on the table.

"A Royal Flush." She announced with an even bigger smile. And before they even had a chance to say "Robber in the bank vault," she had snatched up Zoro's swords and her Clima-Tact, along with the cheap imitation of Luffy's hat, and walked out of the unpleasant bar and away from the dirty men inside. They followed her to the door, cursing and stumbling over each other in their haste, but too late. She was already out into the throng of people that crowded the streets around sunset, and they could only watch from the doorway, swearing and cursing 'that conniving little bitch.'

Nami blew them a kiss over her shoulder, received more curses, and turned her back on the unpleasant situation, before heading back to the Going Merry, the Clima-Tact safe in its holster, Zoro's swords securely in her arms and the fake hat perched on her head at a jaunty angle.

_;:space:;_

When she returned to the Going Merry for the second time that day, everyone had returned, if the shouts, curses and crashes coming from the kitchen were any indication. Robin was seated in a sun-bathing chair on deck with a very old and dusty-looking book on her lap, but she spared the younger woman an acknowledging wave and smile, eyebrows arching a tiny bit when she realized the objects Nami was carrying were Zoro's precious swords. She didn't ask questions, though, and Nami headed for the sickbay.

Zoro's still out-cold body was stretched out on the cot and Chopper was standing on a stool, messing around with a vial of, to Nami's eyes, rather volatile-looking chemicals. The little reindeer raised his head and smiled brightly when he saw her. "Nami!"

She gave Chopper a reassuring smile, placing the swords next to Zoro. "Yeah?"

"Ah, I was wondering if you knew what happened to Zoro." He gestured to the man, looking worried and pensive. "I came back and he was like this."

Nami shrugged. "Just a little incident at a bar. It's no big deal."

"How long has he been unconscious?"

"Hmmm. About two hours, maybe."

"Oh. Did you give him some of this?" Chopper held up the bottle of 'Luffy Tranquilizer.'

"Yeah. I didn't want him to wake up and freak out because his swords were gone."

"Nami..." The reindeer stared up at her, clearly concerned, and the corner of her mouth quirked up in a faint smile. "Nami, Zoro never leaves his swords anywhere. Did something happen?"

The navigator paused in the doorway. "Nothing major, Chopper. Don't worry about it."

The furry doctor nodded, still frowning. "...okay."

"Oh, Chopper?"

"You don't need to tell the others about it, ok?"

"Okay."

She patted the top of his pink hat, and headed out onto the deck, to be greeted by a twirling Sanji. "Mellorine! I thought I heard your dulcimer tones amidst the crow-like squawking of these louts!"

_;:space:; _

Zoro slowly shook himself free from the encroaching tentacles of drug-induced slumber, driven by the feeling that something was wrong. Something to do with Kuina... Kuina's sword... Kuina's sword!

Zoro jerked upright as memories of that afternoon came rushing back, nearly whacking his head on the low ceiling, and scaring the crap out of Chopper, who jumped about a foot in the air, and spilled a vial of something on himself. The unfortunate reindeer didn't get a second glance, though, as he stared, somewhat incredulously at the swords resting on the sheets beside him. He ran a hand over them, unsheathing each one and checking the blade with a experienced eye. They were all here, and in perfect working condition. He squeezed Wado-Ichimonji's hilt, and looked at Chopper, who was squeaking loudly, whilst dabbing at an ever-growing purple stain in his fur with a napkin that was totally inadequate for the job, and rapidly turning purple as well.

"You should probably go take a bath." Zoro voiced his fatherly concern for the little reindeer in the gruffest voice possible, arms crossed over his chest, looking as not-fatherly as he was physically able. Nami and the ero-cook would have been laughing their asses off at him had they been present.

"Oh, right!" Chopper dashed out in the direction of the bathroom, before returning to stare at the swordsman worriedly. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Fine."

Chopper frowned, not quite believing Zoro, then got another look at his purple belly, gasped in horror, and made a beeline for the bathroom, not liking the idea of being a purple reindeer with a blue nose for the rest of his life.

Zoro watched the reindeer go from the doorway of the sickbay, shaking his head slightly, before heading for the kitchen to get something to drink, katanas clinking together with each step he took.

_;:space:;_

"Hey."

Nami, seated on a lawn chair amidst her mikan trees with an atlas spread out on her lap, glanced up at the green-haired man standing there and looking, for someone who had such greats amounts of poise, rather uncomfortable.

"Yes?"

"You're not going to tell anybody about... that. Are you?"

"Robin knows." Nami replied. "But she knows everything, and I don't think she plans on telling anyone."

"That wasn't really my question..."

"No. I won't tell anyone."

Zoro nodded in relief, and turned to head back to the kitchen, then stopped and looked at the navigator hesitantly. "Hey."

Nami raised an eyebrow. "Yes, Zoro?"

"Thanks, witch. For getting my swords back. It....Eh, it... means a lot. " He blushed faintly, clearly uncomfortable being so openly emotional, and shifted his weight from foot to foot. "So... how much do I owe you for that?"

"Nothing. That was free."

Zoro stared, totally shocked.

Nami stared back, eyebrow arched. "You look like a goldfish. Close your mouth."

He did so. "Really?" he inquired, cautious. "You never do anything for free."

She sighed heavily, and closed the atlas, setting it carefully to one side. "Look, Zoro. You know I'm not at all reserved when it comes to taking money from people." Well. He couldn't argue with that, so he nodded. "Hell, I've even swindled the clothes off people's backs before. But I wouldn't charge a friend for having a dream." She smiled faintly at him. "But don't go around telling people that, or Luffy might start telling me that an unlimited supply of meat is an important part of his dream."

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "That's awfully nice of you, witch."

"Yeah, well," She stood up, taking her atlas with her. "don't expect me to give a discount on anything else. And your debt still stands, just so you know."

"I wouldn't expect any less from you, Miss Money-fiend."

Nami looked offended. "I apologize if keeping this ship stocked with food and water isn't a priority for you. Some of us mere mortals need to eat on occasion."

He raised his hands in a mock-surrender. "Fine, fine." Zoro backed away and started for the front of the ship. At the small set of stairs leading to the middle of the ship, he paused long enough to say over his shoulder, "Oi, if you ever need anything I could help with, just ask. Politely."

Nami smiled at his retreating back. "I'll keep that in mind."

**------------- **

**The idea of Zoro blushing. Who on earth could resist? **

**And yay for nakamaship! Sorry if Zoro was out of character, I blame it on the drugs. The ones he was taking. Cause I'm not on drugs. Drugs are bad. **

**DON'T DO DRUGS. **

**O.O' **

**If I don't start getting reviews from you weirdos who favorite or put my stories on alert without leaving any comment, I'll take a break from writing good stories, and start writing really, really, stupid crack. I swear, stuff that will make your brain boil out through your ears. **

**Consider yourselves warned, children. **

**Oh, and so you know, I'm not hugely satisfied with the ending, so unless you guys totally insist on me keeping it, I may post a different ending. Tell in those reviews you're gonna leave me. **

**Thank you, D, for checking this for errors. **

**PEACE, HOMIE FRENCH FRIES. **


End file.
